


Jumping or Falling

by AgnesTomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Hiding in Plain Sight, I feel bad for writing this, Reality, Soulmates, This is pointless, Well - Freeform, Why Did I Write This?, breaking up, kinda sad, lots and lots of thoughts, oh well, thoughts, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-19 00:59:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1449418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgnesTomlinson/pseuds/AgnesTomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all crashing and there was no way Louis nor Harry could save it. </p><p>(Once again I'm just writing whatever comes to my head)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jumping or Falling

**Author's Note:**

> So uhm, I wrote this in the middle of the night and I have not read it through yet. It's kinda inspired by the songs Every rose has its thorn, Say something, The scientist, Over again and Terrible things. Hope you enjoy x

It was all crashing. It had been for a while but now, Louis was sure, it was nearing it's end. He didn't really know when it started going wrong, maybe it had been there all along. One day he just woke up and noticed the distance between him and the boy beside him. They had been so happy together but now, he wasn't sure. He loved Harry, he did, but if this was how it had to be then he didn't know. He didn't know if it was worth it. Both of them were hurting but neither of them wanted to end things. No matter how bad they got they would never want to do it, they loved each other and breaking up for real would be admitting defeat. It was giving management what they had wanted all along, the one thing Louis had been sure he would never give them.

He wasn't sure anymore. The distance between him and Harry was growing each day that passed. It was hurting both of them and maybe breaking up wouldn't hurt more. But it meant that they had to face it, the fact that they had been wrong. They had said that no one could ever tear them apart, that management could make them go out with as many girls as they wanted, making them seem as if they didn't even like each other as friends but they would be fine with it because at the end of the day they had each other. They said they would be fine with keeping it a secret.

It was only naive thinking, they were teens and didn't know a thing about love or how hard it all would be, Louis thought now. He had known that the day they would break would come soon. They had called it quits once before during the Take Me Home tour when things had gotten worse. The heartbreak had been one of the worst things Louis had ever gone through and all the time he kept asking himself what he did wrong but now when he thought about it there was a lot that he and Harry could have done different, could have handled in an other way. Their break up hadn't lasted long and it was only a couple of weeks later that they made up and ended up in the bedroom together again, whispering how much they loved each other. They always whispered when they said those three words, it made it feel more special as if it was a secret between just the two of them, like no one else knew. They liked to pretend that they could stay hidden in their shared flat for forever but neither of them ever got surprised when they had to leave again, they just liked to hope even if they had to handle the disappointment every time.

They never talked about their problems. They liked to ignore them and pretend as if they didn't exist. Louis always thought of it as a game, who could handle it for the longest before they couldn't keep it up anymore. Who would break first, it was the only thing that kept Louis from breaking down. He didn't want to be the one to ruin it, not when they had worked so hard to make it and cried so many times over it and promised each other to never let it get to them. All the late nights when they promised each other that everything would be fine and that they would always have each other. Louis didn't want to be the one to destroy all that. He didn't want to betray Harry, didn't want to break his promises but he knew that Harry felt the same. He wanted to do something about it but he knew it was too late but still he couldn't let it go.

He had to let it go soon though, both of them had to. Living like they were hurt them more than breaking up would. The distance was killing them inside and both of them wanted so desperately to say something but it was all too late. No matter what they said or did, it was nothing left to save. They hadn't gotten around facing the problem before it had grown big enough to be out of their reach. They could never make it alright again. Not now at least, maybe in some years they could try but right now they both needed a new chapter. A new start.

They both needed to live without feeling stressed because they knew that once they would be alone it would get awkward with small talk and glances. Louis didn't know where it went wrong, never really saw it coming. He wished he had, maybe they could have done something about it if they had seen it before. Maybe they could have saved what they had when they still had it.

All the love was still there they just didn't know what to do with it now, it was frustrating and Louis had spent way too many times curled up on the floor under the showerhead crying his eyes out and trying to find something to hold on to. He never came up with something but recently he had felt as if they should let it go. Like they were pushing it too far and that if they pushed it any further nothing would ever be okay. He had to talk with Harry, tell him what he already knew. They had to face that it wasn't working, they had to admit their defeat. Shrug and say that if they had met in an other time in an other life then maybe it could have worked out. Tell each other that they loved each other and share one last kiss before parting.

'They had been running in circles for a long time now, always knowing how they would end but still wishing it would change. Neither of them dared to change it though. They didn't want to face it, didn't want to make it real. They had known it wouldn't be easy to keep up their relationship when they first started it but they had never guessed it would be this hard. Louis didn't regret that he got together with Harry, he just wished he could have kept it the way it was in the start. He wanted to go back there so he didn't have to worry about what the public thought about them, didn't want to hear more about their speculations. He didn't want to know what they thought was going on between him and Harry. He wanted to go back to the start.

They took each other for granted, that was one of their biggest mistakes. They always knew that the other would be there no matter how big they screwed up and they knew they had to be there for each other no matter how much they wanted to scream at the other for screwing up. It was a shame, Louis thought. They had fought so hard to keep their relationship and now he had decided that he couldn't do it anymore. That it wasn't enough, that their love wasn't enough. He knew Harry loved him, he could see it in his eyes and he knew it when he heard Harry tell him so. Louis loved Harry too, more than anything but it wasn't enough. He couldn't keep hiding, not only his relationship for the public but he couldn't keep hiding from Harry. Couldn't keep pretending that he didn't notice how far away from each other they were, couldn't keep pretending that everything was fine. He was done and he felt awful for it but it would do good for both of them with a break. Nothing said that it had to last for forever but right now Louis couldn't think of getting back with Harry, not that they had broken up yet. But he couldn't think of getting back with Harry but he still couldn't think of living the rest of his life without the other lad.

They had been pretending for far too long and it was time to face reality. They had been pretending not to see how the other's heart wasn't in it, that they didn't notice how they were drifting. They were trying to hold on but the rope had been cut off a long time ago. It was cut off from the start and they were now at the end of it. They would have to let go or they would fall. It was either jumping or falling. Louis would rather jump, he was at the edge and he would have to get down somehow, he would rather do it on his own than getting pushed down.

He was scared of reaching the bottom, he had had Harry by his side for so long, he didn't know how to do it on his own. He didn't want to have to do it on his own but he couldn't stay were he was. He would have to get over his fear of being alone. He still had the other lads and his family but Harry. No one could ever match up to Harry.

Harry would always be his one and true love but he had to let it go. He had to face the fact that it wasn't working, that he couldn't keep it up. That if he did he would only make things worse. He had to call it quits, had to end it. He had to start a new chapter that he could write himself.

When he had auditioned for The X-Factor he had been ecstatic about falling in love and when he had met Harry it felt as if everything fell into place. He knew from the moment that he met those green eyes that there was no way he would get out of it without him. I t was love at first sight, no matter how cheesy it was. It had been great, they hadn't really had had to worry about the public eye back then. They played it up as a bromance but there had always been more to it, more than either of them could explain. Harry had once told Louis about how he thought that they were soulmates, Louis had only giggled in responds and told Harry that he had to stop watching all those romantic movies. Now though Louis could understand it. He could see what Harry had meant, he was sure they were souldmates too but it didn't really matter. They would split either way.

He didn't want to hurt Harry but he knew that there was no nice way saying what he had to say. There was no easy way out. And not telling Harry and keep going as they had would hurt both of them more, they had already played that game for a long time now. Louis knew what he had to do and it was sad and all but they would get over it and maybe in a couple of years work it out together. When their contract had ended and the public didn't care if two out of five in One Direction dated each other.

It felt like lying laying next to Harry in bed while thinking of all of this. Louis felt like he was keeping secrets from Harry and distancing himself even more, but maybe he were in some ways. He was keeping his thoughts from Harry but so was Harry. Louis could see by the frown on Harry's face as he was staring up at the ceiling that he was deeply lost in his own thoughts, thoughts that he never shared with Louis anymore.

They had both been keeping things from each other and that was what was breaking them down the most. They couldn't trust each other like they had before anymore.

They were laying right beside each other, no more than a few inches between them but Louis had never felt further away from Harry. Usually they would cuddle before they fell asleep and Louis would wake up with Harry's arms tightly wrapped around him but it had been months since they had been that close. It was tearing them apart and there was nothing they could do to stop it without stopping them. They only had one way out.

Jumping or falling, which would it be.

Louis still wasn't sure but as he stared at Harry's beautiful face that was still staring at the ceiling in concern, he couldn't help but feel like it didn't matter. He loved the boy beside him and he would always do but maybe that wasn't enough right now but they would find their way back to each other eventually. Louis was sure of that at least, no matter what happened now he would end up with Harry either way. Their love was too strong to break entirely. Sometimes it just needed a break to be reminded what it had been fighting for.

The only thing Louis had to choose now was jumping or falling but of some reason none of it seemed as scary as he had thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
